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March 6, 2023

 

 

 

Here I am, all over again. Back to my own being of living. After all these years of thinking I had life figured out, I discovered a new meaning, feeling and believing. I was once the girl who just wanted to belong and hearing your friends say you’re funny and cool to be with, felt warming. Then I look back and all I can think of is, friends??  I began to understand that wanting to belong was a sign of crisis. Surrounding yourself around whomever just so you won't be alone. They were not my friends. Friends are people who care and understand your feelings. After surrounding myself around people who are self centered and very egoistic, I had to learn the hard way. I had to separate myself from those people and remind myself of what fulfillment really is. They say that great things come from experience and I’d like to believe that. I was very naïve when I was young and it made it almost impossible for me to see the truth in situations, which basically just stunted my growth. I was unable to see behind the masks people wore because, I, too, was wearing one... just to belong.

 

I can see through the days that I once didn’t know how to because I cut access to things that were no longer aligned to me, allowing myself to flourish into someone new by giving myself space and love. I didn’t understand what it meant and if we’re being real, people would say I was “self sabotaging” but I didn’t see it that way! I felt that the time had come where I needed to know me, understand myself and be able to make the changes needed to be who and where I needed. When you plant a seed into ground and nourish it with care and love, you’ll be able to see how it sprouts and slowly blooms into something so beautiful. That’s all it really takes for one to be able to succeed in what I call "tuning in to yourself", plant that seed into your garden, so you will never have to worry about going another day without the world being beautiful.

 

I had to learn to be patient, with myself and others to be who I am today. To understand why everything is not bound to happen the way we want it to, but it will happen the way it needs to. You have the decision to change it or no one else will… that saying “no one’s coming to save you”…. You need to save yourself. I have crawled the floors that I now walk on, I have made the bed that I now sleep on and I will continue to nourish the garden I have made for myself. I was always told that I was very sensitive for showing my emotions or just feeling “too much” until I realized how beautiful it is to feel everything all at once and being able to control it because it's your world and no one can take that away from you.

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"Even when life takes you on a different route, promise me you will smile through the ride. Not every road is meant to be bumpy, sometimes we just don't know how to enjoy it because every place we've been to, has shown us how ugly the world is." - Kimberly Argueta